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[00:00:00] Today, I'm talking about breastfeeding goals, and I'm excited to talk about this topic. I'm going to continue with the behind the scenes bonus episode feel for this episode. Um, talking about my experience with breastfeeding goals personally, as well as professionally with my clients.

So, if you're listening and you're like, Oh yeah, breastfeeding goals, I totally forgot about those. Uh, that makes sense. You also might be listening and thinking, Crap, my breastfeeding goal was to breastfeed for 2 years, and we [00:00:30] are at, you know, 20 months. We have 4 months until we reach my breastfeeding goal, and how am I going to wean my child before that?

That might be you too. Makes sense. So, personally for me with breastfeeding goals, I remember at the beginning of my breastfeeding journey with my daughter feeling like I had to have these specific goals. Because everybody asks you. If you're in the natural birth world or natural parenting kind of a world, that becomes a conversation and I think it still absolutely becomes a conversation outside of that space [00:01:00] too.

I guess that the pressure or the expectations around it are just have a little different flavor, right? Um, so I felt like I needed to have a breastfeeding goal. And I did, I believe I set my goal for about two years with my daughter because I knew that that was what was recommended. my country at the time.

And so I felt like that was doable. Um, but I also didn't want to like, I felt like I needed to have that goal, but I was nervous. I didn't know if I would be able to reach it. I didn't really know what breastfeeding [00:01:30] would be like. I didn't know the challenges we would have. I didn't know. Right. And I think that many of us Many of you listening have had that experience too.

I see that there's some people, and I think this is a bit of a spectrum with breastfeeding goals. There's people who set the goal for six months, one year, two years, and it's, you know, hell bent on meeting that goal. I'm not going to have formula in the house. I'm going to communicate. All of these expectations very clearly with my support team and my care provider so that I reach that goal, right?

Come hell or high [00:02:00] water, that is my priority and it's going to happen. And then there's people kind of on the other end of the spectrum with a breastfeeding goal that it's like, you know what? I'm going to just try to latch after birth. That's my goal. Or I'm going to breastfeed at least part of the time for the first three months.

Or my baby's going to get some breast milk during that time, whether it's from me or a donor, right? And I think that both of those are amazing. I'm not by any means discrediting either or saying that one's superior to the other. And I also realize that both of those come with [00:02:30] a certain amount of pressure.

 I think both of those can sometimes come from a place of fear. Um, and both of them are focused on. This measurable external behaviors and, uh, again, I think that there's a time and a place for that. I don't think that those are bad or wrong, but what I often see happen is that we set these goals or these intentions early on in our breastfeeding journey, and then reality with a baby happens, right?

And things Don't feel the same as I felt before. And that doesn't [00:03:00] necessarily mean that you're not going to continue breastfeeding. Um, but there's often like this kind of restrictive concept, like around goals. And we're talking about it on this personal level that can feel like a bit of a squeeze at times, and there can be growth in that squeeze.

Don't get me wrong. And sometimes we come out on the other side of that with a whole new perspective. And it was really important to kind of go through that process. And I think that that's what I did. I started with these specific goals and, and then things, you know, shifted and changed. I [00:03:30] mean, my daughter wasn't even three when the pandemic hit, and my son was five months when, you know, our first lockdown, and that totally shifted my, the things I had, the ideas I had around breastfeeding, um.

It was scary, right, too, right? I didn't know what was going to happen, and I had never purchased formula because I didn't need it, but I did buy formula around that time because there were shortages, and I wanted to just have something in the house in case, for whatever reason, I wouldn't be there to breastfeed my son, who was five months old, right?[00:04:00] 

Um, so maybe many of you listening aren't breastfeeding. You'd have to be breastfeeding a child who was, you know, four years old at this point in order to have had that experience. Um, But many of you probably gave birth during the pandemic, right? So yeah, I think that that is, is a valid kind of like piece that we're bringing context that we're bringing to a conversation around breastfeeding goals.

But for me, I had this shift from these external kind of measurable behavior oriented, like [00:04:30] what, what's the actions that I'm taking? How much physical volume of milk is my child getting to a different kind of goal? Priority, right? The one is this breastfeeding's a priority and then, you know, it has to look like this or that's how I'm going to measure it to a more values based priority.

It's actually not really about the breastfeeding. It's about getting my needs met and getting my kids needs met moment by moment. [00:05:00] I do think that that approach, the values based approach, can result in a breastfeeding, like a length of time in breastfeeding that feels really great for both of you, but it's actually not focused on that length of time at all.

So, that was, that was my experience, and I shared more kind of about that. perspective, uh, two weeks ago when I talked about my kind of day to day life breastfeeding my four year old. But I, I want to offer that to you as an alternative to breastfeeding goals, and I know that that can get messy when you're [00:05:30] hitting that, you're hitting your original goal, or hitting the goal that you maybe have revamped and come up with again, and this, this need to have that goal.

I also want to challenge the idea of goals altogether. Because I, I mean, I don't have the information on this. I, I didn't research this, you know, from a historical perspective or anything for this week's episode, but I'm curious. I am curious about when the concept of breastfeeding goals came about. Why did we start to feel the need to measure the length of time that we were breastfeeding for and [00:06:00] feel like we have to hit that mark and feel like we have to have an answer for that?

It, it, it's curious to me. It feels like a very modern thing. Um, so I don't know, I don't know, but I, I want to posit that because it's just, it's interesting. Uh, and if you think that that's not a valid way to consider things, um, I'm curious about that too, and I'd love for you to shoot me an email, let me know.

I love these conversations, so, um, yeah. And, so I do think that it's kind of this modern problem that we wrestle with things around [00:06:30] the length of time we're breastfeeding and whether or not it's time to wean or not, when we take that needs approach, you're going to feel okay, because your needs are being met and your child's needs are being met. And the length of time, again, doesn't really matter that much anymore. With that, I've noticed a shift for myself, and I think that many of us have this shift throughout our breastfeeding journey, and I imagine that many of you can relate to this.

That experience of like, okay, I have to have the goal, and then [00:07:00] it becomes more about like, oh, the length of time doesn't matter that much, like actually what that time is. And I think that there's also a shift that I've noticed happen on a breastfeeding goal as far as the changes that you want to make.

So, I used to see many people come to me that were very specific, and I still do absolutely see this, and so if you've reached out to me recently with this kind of thought, or this is the thing that you're thinking about as you're listening to this podcast episode, it makes sense, you're good, but I used to see [00:07:30] everyone come to me with a very specific goal of, I need to wean, that is my goal, or I need to night wean, that is my goal, And so that would be the thing that they would be looking for me for support with, they'd want my help with, they'd want to figure out a very concrete plan for and come up with that plan.

And what I've noticed a shift towards is a lot of people reach out to me for support or come into Own Your Breastfeeding Story or show up for a workshop or send me an email looking for Something else. They're looking for clarity. That's a huge one that I [00:08:00] see. I need to understand what's happening. It feels like chaos in my home.

My child just screams to breastfeed constantly. I need help, right? Like, I need to understand this to figure it out. I want, or connection. I want to find connection with my child outside of breastfeeding. This is a really big one. Um, I, I released that podcast episode, uh, last year now, uh, The Confessions of a Toddler Milk Machine.

I think, I forget which episode number it was, but, [00:08:30] um, and I hear from people a lot who really resonated with that. And what I talked about there was this like idea that the only connection that your child has to you is the fact that you give them milk. So a lot of people are looking for connection with their child outside of breastfeeding.

So the clarity, connection, um, and they're really, yeah, they're really looking to make things feel Just easier. That's it. They're looking to optimize their relationship, to maintain their [00:09:00] bond, and maybe that looks like weaning, and maybe it doesn't. And it's a big shift that I've noticed from people who are coming to me with this very specific goal of, I need to wean, or I want to wean, I want to night wean, you know, to this, actually, I want to just have a better relationship with my child and my breastfeeding experience.

And I don't want to feel like breastfeeding's a problem anymore. That could partly be that many people have listened to my podcast and they're doing some, you know, reflective work and they're realizing that [00:09:30] maybe that's not the original goal that they wanted. I also think that it's likely just the world that we're in and things have changed over the last few years.

Very much so, right? I talked about COVID already, that kind of stuff. These things happen. And so I think we're in a different place as a society too. I think that that's a totally valid explanation for that. Um, but I really wanted to to share that with you today, because I think that it can offer the clarity that many of you are looking for.

And [00:10:00] especially when we're kind of conditioned around the idea of breastfeeding goals and People in our lives may or may not agree with our goals, or they agreed with our original goal and thought it was amazing, and they're all there for us when our goal was six months, but then when it becomes two years, they're like, Sayonara, or we hit that mark, the original mark, and they're like, when are you going to wean?

And you're like, actually, I don't think I want to wean. Um, and so I think that this conversation about breastfeeding goals is really relevant to many of you. [00:10:30] These are conversations that I have with listeners and with clients. So I wanted to create that, that kind of space to talk about it. And I, I want to offer a different idea, right?

Like around, around breastfeeding. So that idea of like meeting, meeting needs, but I call it breastfeeding mastery. This is what I've run a workshop. Now I've run it once live and I've had a pre recorded kind of version of it that I'm going to be running again, live the end of this week. So if you're not [00:11:00] already registered, Come along.

You can go to ownyourparentingstory. com slash workshop. And if you're listening to this in the future, um, I always, that's the URL that I'll have whatever relevant workshop, either pre recorded or live that I have, uh, for you available, a free one, go there. You'll be able to grab it. But I talk about breastfeeding mastery in the current version that I have available.

And that is what I think is actually the goal for many people. Breastfeeding mastery. To [00:11:30] feel like you, you got this. To feel like , this is a skill that I've honed and I feel confident in and I have clarity around and I know how to navigate. I know what those next steps are going to be and I have trust.

I have trust in myself and trust in my child that no matter what happens and what comes. We got this. We can work this out. We can work this through. And I think that there's, there's a journey to get [00:12:00] there. . That is what I share in the workshop.

And what I would even argue that all of my supports for every client is around is getting you to that level of breastfeeding mastery, because that level of breastfeeding mastery, it's not just about the latch. It's not just about that kind of stuff. It's about the confidence to navigate each moment, whether that's your child screaming and pulling your shirt to breastfeed.

Breastfeed, or your child not breastfeeding when you would have loved for them to breastfeed and now there's a grief that's there, um, [00:12:30] or maybe breastfeeding can't happen for whatever reason and there's a grief that's there, but you have this confidence to navigate that and I do think that that is really relational and ends up Allowing and building those skills for the lifetime, and that's what I've seen.

I, I talked about this, uh, last week on, when I talked about mental health and nursing aversion and anxiety, how those skills from breastfeeding mastery that, that I've honed over the last six years of, six and a half years of breastfeeding have translated into skills that I have used [00:13:00] over this last year of health issues for myself.

Like I, I was honing them, especially around nursing aversion, and now I'm able to use them to support myself and my kids. For in this past season of like harder times because of my own physical health issues. Um, yeah, so breastfeeding mastery, again, I do think that it's this confidence, it's this clarity, it's this connection that you can have with your child and That is the thing that you need to wean.

That [00:13:30] is the thing that you need to keep going. That is the thing that you need to get through whatever life throws your way and however big the struggles end up being at any point. So, I wish I had something a little bit more concrete to leave you with today. But as this is the behind the scenes, uh, series, I think that even just that pulling back the curtain to explore that concept with you, I hope it brought value to you.

But if there was something concrete that I was going to leave with you today, it would [00:14:00] be, what is your goal? Is your goal around like this behavior and an action and what actions are taking place or aren't taking place? Or is it around Your needs. Is it around feeling that clarity and that connection and that confidence in your breastfeeding journey?

That might be worth a little journal session. That might be worth, uh, taking some time to talk about with a friend who you trust. [00:14:30] Um, I, yeah, I'm really excited to hang out with all of you on Friday. Come along on your parenting story. com slash workshop and save your spot. It's free. I will absolutely be doing, uh, an extra extended Q and a afterwards for some on the spot coaching.

Super excited for that. And I will see you all there on Friday.